Last
Call
Bosie comforts Rachel Maddow, yet another
lesbian victim of Jerry Springer.
by Bosie
Crawford
You can't
keep a good dyke down! When her morning talk show on Air America, Unfiltered, was
bumped for Jerry Springer (that bitch!), radio personality Rachel Maddow, 32, did what any good lesbian would do: She
slipped herself into another slot. Time slot, that is! The California native, who now divides her
time between the Berkshires and New
York City with her girlfriend, dishes with Bosie about hot chicks and being mistaken for a man.
BOSIE CRAWFORD: Lesbians love to
nest so much, you have two homes. Getting from the Berkshires to the city
must be one hell of a commute.
RACHEL MADDOW: It can be three, three and a half hours, unless the weather is
bad. And then it can be three, three and a half days. My girlfriend usually
drives down with the dog on Wednesdays. And there was a snowstorm like every
Wednesday this winter. It's the only time I ever felt like God was punishing
me for being a lesbian. He doesn't want me to have sex with my girlfriend!
BOSIE: Rapper Chuck D. was your
co-host on Unfiltered. That's like when the MTV Video Music Awards pairs up
Mary Kate Olsen to present an award with Benjamin Netanyahu.
RACHEL: It is such a funny combination. But we love each other. I call him
Zen Master Chuck. He's the most calm, untroubled person in the world. He's
the person I most want to be in a car crash with.
BOSIE: Did he ever try to convert
you to be straight?
RACHEL: No. But we do talk about girls, though. He and I have different
taste, but we can appreciate the other's type.
BOSIE: What happened with the
Jerry Springer thing?
RACHEL: Jerry Springer is in my chair. He's a big name. And he's a Democrat.
And he's made himself into a big celebrity with the whole chair-throwing TV
show thing. And he"s going to bring a lot of
listeners into the talk radio world.
BOSIE: It sounds like a topic of
his TV show: Lesbian Radio Co-hosts of Liberal Talk Shows Replaced By
Chair-Throwing Circus Ringmaster.
RACHEL: Black Guy and Dyke Replaced by Pornographer! It's the Republicans'
wet dream to be able to write that somewhere.
BOSIE: Tell us about your new
show.
RACHEL: It"s at the butt-crack of dawn. 5am. It"s
going to be called The Rachel Maddow Show.
BOSIE: That's out there. How will
people know you're hosting it?
RACHEL: We're gonna have a mascot made up to kind
of look like me.
BOSIE: You claim to be the world's
first out lesbian to be named a Rhodes scholar. You're beginning to sound
like America's
Next Top Model's Janice Dickinson - the world's first supermodel.
RACHEL: I wasn't the first gay Rhodes scholar. I mean, Cecil Rhodes was a
flamer. I was the first American who was out during the whole process and
still got picked!
BOSIE: So chicks must dig that
you're smart.
RACHEL: I used to wear glasses. And the appearance of smart helped me get
girls more than the doctorate does.
BOSIE: I thought all lesbians
liked the Dave Matthews Band until I read that you dissed
them in The New York Times!
RACHEL: I didn't mean to. I didn't know the reporter was standing right
there. Dave Matthews must have a huge lesbian following because he's kind of
like a lesbian himself. There aren't many mannish straight women. So we have
to glom on to straight men who look like lesbians.
They are very important to the cause!
BOSIE: How did you meet your
girlfriend?
RACHEL: I was her yard boy. She hired me to do her yard work and it was love
at first sight. We've been together for six years.
BOSIE: It's kind of like the
lesbian version of that storyline from Desperate Housewives. Do you watch?
RACHEL: I have watched once. I don't have a television.
BOSIE: Let's talk about your type.
Do you like the crunchy granola Woodstock
lesbian?
RACHEL: No. My girlfriend looks like Jessica Rabbit. She's very girly.
BOSIE: Does she get hit on a lot
by guys?
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
BOSIE: Do you bust a cap in their
ass? What do you do?
RACHEL: Gloat!
BOSIE: It doesn't bother you?
You're not the jealous type?
RACHEL: I'm there to protect her if need be. I think it's nice that guys like
her.
BOSIE: Do men hit you on?
RACHEL: I get hit on by gay men who think I'm a guy. Since I've moved to New York, I've
developed what we call in the business "news ass." I'm spreading
out a little bit, which is hurting my I-look-like-a-17-year-old-boy
experience!
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